Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
