We're like a lot better than the average bears
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
