I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
