I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
