the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
