Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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