god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
