I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
