So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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