Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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