You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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