A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
