dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
