I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
