spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How does one acquire holy water?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize