She said her name was "party"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my liver is dry heaving
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize