I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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