You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
