I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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