Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
