i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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