If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
