did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
