If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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