guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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