how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
