Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
