No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
