I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
