I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
