he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
