True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
