I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
