A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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