ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize