i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
