all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
