Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The air was thick with penises
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
