i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
