i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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