Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
