would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
