Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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