I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
