How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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