weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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