Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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