We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
vagina is talking i cant
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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