ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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