Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
as a side note pls kill me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
