how can u be prego again
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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