her facebook's as public as her vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
