Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
