Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
