That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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