I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
