I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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