He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
