ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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