so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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