Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
