All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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