the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
