Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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