I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
