he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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