Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
