I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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