You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
