I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
