I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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