Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the condom got lost in my hair
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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