Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
