You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
