she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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