I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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