Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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