Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this just has baby written all over it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
