Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
