Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
